Patients on breathing machines usually cannot make decisions for themselves.
It can sometimes be hard to separate what you want from what your loved one would want. The primary job of a surrogate decision-maker is to put yourself in the patient’s shoes when making decisions. Think about what they would want based on their values and goals.
It can be very difficult to know what the patient would have wanted. Sometimes, patients have already told their loved ones what they would want if they ever got really sick. Other times, loved ones may have to use other parts of their life to figure out what you think they would want. For example, someone who valued their independence and never wanted to go hospitals may not want to be attached to machines for a long-time even if it meant dying sooner.
To start thinking about your loved one’s values, answer the following question. Would your loved one value being alive at all costs even if it meant being attached to machines OR would they put more value on the quality of life even if they might die sooner.
Think about where your values and where your loved one’s values would fall along this line.